My blog is devoted to sharing personal development tools, techniques and tips that will inspire you to create a growth mindset, build resilience and manage your world more effectively.

Nicole's Insights

I recently had an experience, which quite frankly left me quite miffed!

My partner and I went into a shop at the hotel we were staying in, and one of the female assistants working there asked my partner if we had children, to which he replied no.

What was very interesting, is that the assistant didn’t seem to like this answer and diverted her questioning to me and asked me why.

I was a little taken aback as I felt that it’s not a topic I would generally choose to discuss with a stranger, and when I shared that I had chosen to not have children, she was mortified. She saw fit to impart her opinion that I should have children and I will live to regret it if I don’t, and then she turned to my partner and told him “not to worry, she will want them eventually”.

Luckily for her, the reason we don’t have children is a choice and not due to being unable to. This was the first thing that crossed my mind, there are so many people who could have found those comments emotionally draining and upsetting.

But, she didn’t stop there…on our next visit into the store, she asked my partner if I was looking after him and told him that it was my job to do that forever!!!

I don’t mean to go all girl power on you but WTF!

As someone who is tremendously independent and not living in the dark ages, I felt her comments were unnecessarily shared and if honest a tad outdated!  I can’t believe I was being made to feel as if I was failing because I don’t want children and I’m not in an apron behind a sink, looking after my man all day long.

Thankfully, I appreciate that we all have an unconscious bias, that causes us to have judgements, emotional responses and opinions towards others behaviours and choices, otherwise I might have lost my cool. However, the key is choosing to not share certain opinions with those around you, particularly strangers, about whom you know nothing.

Over the last few years I have actively worked with my mindset on other people’s opinions of me.

I now use the motto ‘What others think of me is none of my business’, this stops me from continuously assessing my successes, failures and choices against the opinions of others and making decisions on MY life based on their beliefs and values.

The message of today’s post is simple. Live your life by your own rules, you do not have to make choices based upon others’ opinions and you have the right to create a future that works for you. We all have different values and beliefs and that’s what makes us all so wonderful in our own unique way. How you choose your family situation, your career, your lifestyle and your goals should 100% come from you, not as a result of someone telling you that you should be doing something.

There will always be people who think it is their right to tell you how you should be living your life. Choose to see this as them caring and let their opinions go, no one knows you better than you and remember ‘what others think of you is none of your business’ – trust me, this helps!

Secondly, be mindful of how you share your opinions with others of their choices. That doesn’t mean don’t raise concerns if you’re worried about them and a choice they are considering making. What it means, is do not bestow your opinion in the belief that it is the right answer for that person. Become curious and support them in figuring out the best path for them, remember, they know themselves better than you do!

Love, Nicole.